


Dinner Is Trying To Eat The Cook

by Stilienski



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 13:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4392923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stilienski/pseuds/Stilienski
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Donna's birthday, the Doctor tries too hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dinner Is Trying To Eat The Cook

**Author's Note:**

> I got this prompt: "I'll deal with you later, right now dinner is trying to eat the cook!" from the lovely [Lonaargh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonaargh/pseuds/Lonaargh)
> 
> Thaaaanks! <3

“Sooo…. What’s the plan, spaceman?” Normally she just ignored her birthday. It just marked another year lived in which she hadn’t accomplished anything. This year though, she was travelling through _space_. Not exactly your typical birthday.

“Plan? Why does there always have to be a plan, Donna? Plans are highly overrated if you ask me. You’ve got the whole of space and time to visit, you can’t plan all that. You have to _live_ it.” He was bouncing around the control panel of the TARDIS, pushing buttons and pulling levers here and there. Donna was still convinced the whole control panel thing was just for show. There never seemed to be any order to the button-pushing and lever-pulling.

“Well, I thought _today_ you’d have something planned.” To the tilted confused puppy look he gave her, she responded with an unamused stare.

“Today isn’t special. Well… today we’re 99999 years away from the day New New York becomes New New York Generation T. The cat people attracted a whole bunch of York terriers to the city which causes a pretty gruesome war after which the dogs rule for the weirdest half of a century.” He had a pensive look on his face, his eyes trained on something she couldn’t see.

“Oy! I don’t want stories about dogs! It’s my bloody birthday and you better make this special, Martian, or else…”

“It’s your birthday? _Your birthday?_ I had no ide-“ She smacked his shoulder hard which earned her a massive grin.

“Oh Donna Noble. Donna, Donna, Donna…. You really think I could forget your birthday?” He clapped his hands on her shoulders and squeezed.  
“I did something really special for you. I made a whole part of a plan. Are you ready to live it?”

*****                                                                                                                                        

“You brought me to a skunk-alien planet for my birthday? You thought being chased by horse-sized sabertooth skunks was a good idea for a party?”

“Is this really the time to find someone to blame? Run!”

*****

“Donna…?” He wibbly-wobbled from his heels to the balls of his feet and back again. All he got in response was a huff.

“Donna, I’m sorry.”

“What’s that? I can’t hear you. I think the squeals of the sabertooth skunks made me partially deaf.”

“I said I’m sorry.”

“Nope, still not coming through… oh wait, maybe there’s still some freaking _skunkspray_ stuck in my ear!”

“Donna Noble, I’m sorry you were chased by horse-sized sabertooth skunks on your birthday. Let me make it up to you?” His puppy eyes weren’t disturbed by her deathglare, it was actually the other way around.

“Fine.” A wide grin grew on his face.

“Well then…. Allons-y!”

*****

“Donna, I present to you… the-“ He was interrupted by a loud sneeze.

“I present to y-“ Another sneeze made him look around annoyedly.

“Need a tissue there?” With a dramatic gesture he pointed back out of the door of the TARDIS. “The glorious meadows of-“

“You *sneeze* bloody *sneeze* idiot!” she pushed him outside the TARDIS and slammed the door.

*****

Again the doctor was left staring at the tips of his shoes a few feet away from a grumpy Donna.

“Donna…? Donna, I’m sorry. But how was I supposed to know you had hayfever?”

“Oh I don’t know, wave your freaking sonic screwdriver around once and you seem to know everything about every bloody alien out there. You didn’t think to wave that thing around me?”

“You’re my friend. Friends tell each other stuff, they don’t scan each other for allergies.” He defended himself.

“What were you even planning on doing in a field in the middle of nowhere?” He pouted and held up a basket.

“I made us a picnic.” That changed her mood a little bit.

*****

“Look, a normal intergalactic restaurant. What could go wrong here?” She just smiled as he opened the door for her. They both looked brilliant. He even got her a nice dress for the occasion.

“Oooh… this looks fancy.” There were aliens of all shapes and sizes dressed in all kinds of precious fabrics, all following the latest trends of the universe.

“Hello, my dearest guests, I’ll be your waiter for the evening. Would you like some refreshments to start with?”

“Yes, we’ll both take the Slimy Sangria without the slime please.” He hadn’t even looked at the menu yet, which made her wonder if he came here often. Still… no one told Donna Noble what she’d be drinking.

“Oy. I can order for myself, thank you very much.” But after having read a bit of the menu Donna coughed awkwardly.

“Seems like we’ll both take the Slimy Sangria without the slime…”

 

“So what do you recommend here?” To be fair all of the dishes seemed disgusting to her human eating habits, but she felt like she should trust the doctor.

“I’ve always loved the –“ some dinosaur-like thing came jumping in from the kitchen, causing a hell of a commotion to break out around the tables.

“Is that… is that a scared miniature T-Rex wearing an apron?”

“I don’t believe miniature T-Rex is considered to be politically correct.” Was all the response Donna got before what appeared to be a flying lobster-shark-cactus hybrid came in pursuit of the apron wearing dinosaur.

 

Everyone in the restaurant started screaming. Not in fear, mind you, the screams were more like battlecries as everyone charged over to form a circle around the T-Rex and the lobster-shark-cactus.

“Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!” They began chanting.

“Seriously? _Seriously?_ Now you brought me to a barfight? I can’t believe you!” she grabbed her napkin, just because that was the closest thing to her hand, and threw it at him.

“Donna, is this really the tim-?”

“Yes it’s really the time, spaceman! This is the third time you screwed up my birthday party!”

**_“Look, Donna, I’ll deal with you later, but right now dinner is trying to eat the cook.”_ **

*****

“You call yourself a timelord! You freaking moron! I thought you knew what was supposed to be happening when and where! You of all people should be able to plan a simple birthday party! It’s not even a party! You don’t even have to invite people! You just have to do something nice!” Unlike last times where he got the silent treatment till he apologized, this time she hadn’t stopped ranting for a second. Even when he’d tried to apologize.

“Donna, please…”

“You could have made it simple! Some calm get together! But oh nooooo, the Martian wants to show off all the places he can get to in his stupid little blue box!”

He sighed, there was absolutely no point. Directing the TARDIS to go to the right time and place, he just tried to ignore her rant.

“All the things I do for you! Putting up with the ridiculous shoes and the stupid coat and the half-assed explanations and the making me run head first into danger! But you can’t even get a single birthday-“

“OY! Stop yelling or you won’t have any voice left to talk to your family.” He said as he opened the door of the TARDIS, showing Donna her family home where gramps was already running out of the door, alerted by the noise of the TARDIS.

“Donna! You’re back! On your birthday! Your mother baked a cake, but we didn’t know if you’d make it. I’m so happy you did.” Wilfred embraced his granddaughter without even taking in the inside of the blue police box.

“Yeah, gramps…. I’m happy too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!  
> Sorry for the crap ending, but me is lazy.


End file.
